Talking to the deceased with the help of avatars

Humankind’s yearning for immortality is one of the oldest motifs in literature, music and religion. In the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, love and art are said to conquer death: the gods give Orpheus the chance to free Eurydice from the underworld, but he does not adhere to the rules and loses his dead lover forever. Artificial intelligence should now remedy what art cannot do: the aim is to use avatars, i.e. digital twins of individual people, to enable grieving loved ones to “talk” to the deceased. Is this a dream or a nightmare? In this interview, emotion researcher Professor Katrin Döveling from h_da explains how such technologies alter the feelings of those left behind.

Interview: Christina Janssen, 19.2.2025

impact: The digital language learning programme I use every day allows me to converse with quirky avatars in Spanish, Czech or French. When I call my doctor’s surgery, “Aaron” answers the phone, the ever-assiduous digital assistant. What is your own experience of this in your everyday life?

Professor Katrin Döveling: I, too, encounter avatars everywhere. And to be honest I don’t always feel comfortable with them, even though I know that they are somehow part of our new normal. Personally, I always prefer face-to-face conversations.

impact: Today we’re talking about the use of AI and avatars in a very sensitive context: as “grief counsellors”. What role have avatars lately started playing here too?

Döveling: Before we discuss this, we must first talk about what grief is in the first place. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows that this is one of the most profound experiences you can have in life. Or that you are forced to go through. This experience of loss triggers a particular form of grief, for which the English language even has a special word: “bereavement”. This form of grief is not a linear process, but an oscillating one: you sway back and forth between different phases – between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented phases. Of course, this does not mean a “restoration” of your lost loved one, but the restoration of your own identity and emotional stability. A grieving person is sometimes – and this is particularly the case at the beginning of the bereavement process – stuck in phases in which the loss is difficult to bear. Then again, there are phases in which the bereaved recognise a certain meaning in the situation and understand that death and loss are part of life. They are then ready to focus their attention on life again and not (only) on the experience of loss, which nevertheless continues to “accompany” them in everyday life, that is, as something that is and will remain part of their lives.

impact: It is difficult to find meaning in death.

Döveling: Yes, also because we banish death from our everyday lives. We are all going to die, and it’s a sensitive topic. We banish it because it frightens us.

impact: And now AI is entering the game and seems to give the bereaved what they want most: a “reunion” with their deceased loved one.

Döveling: This is a relatively new development. AI avatars make it possible to interact with the digital twin of a deceased person. Especially anniversaries, Christmas or family celebrations are days when the bereaved experience the feeling of loss particularly acutely. Being able to turn to a digital twin on such an occasion and talk to them might perhaps seem creepy at first glance, but it often satisfies a deep longing for the person concerned.

impact: How do such interactions take place – do I see the person on a screen, can I hear their voice...?

Döveling: These “encounters” are becoming more and more realistic. One example is the case of a cancer patient that I reported on in an interview with the Tagesschau news programme on TV: the man knew that he was in the end stage of this terrible disease. Day in, day out, he fed all kinds of information about himself into an AI generator. Based on this, the AI was later able to imitate his voice, outward appearance, emotions, and so on. Although this is still in its infancy as far as the technical development is concerned, it is making rapid progress.

impact: Does it also work with humour, irony or other very personal characteristics?

Döveling: This will also improve so that the grieving person will be able to sit down at the computer and say “Oh, I miss you so much!”, for example. An avatar very similar to their deceased loved one will then comfort them.

impact: Aren’t such avatars ultimately more a case of wishful thinking than real likenesses? No one willingly reveals their shortcomings. And even if those left behind feed the avatar “input”, they presumably tend to idealise the deceased person.

Döveling: This is an important question that we cannot assess properly yet because so far hardly any research has been conducted into it. What happens, for example, if the avatar says something that is not in the spirit of the deceased or the bereaved? That stirs up violent emotions. And that is not necessarily conducive to the grieving process I described earlier.

impact: There is another obvious problem: the digital twin doesn’t age, meaning that if I lose my husband, who is about the same age as me, when I’m 50, I might still be talking to a 50-year-old man 20 years later. I have changed during this time, but the avatar has not. Can “griefbots” be of use despite all these disadvantages?

Döveling: Especially on the “trigger days” I mentioned above, talking to such an avatar can be comforting. The danger, however, is that you then interact with the avatar too often and the grieving process no longer takes place as it should because you withdraw more and more and continue to engage solely with the avatar.

impact: If I can always have my deceased loved one by my side in digital form, do I continue to look back instead of looking forward again at some point?

Döveling: The danger is that you retreat into a kind of “sanctuary” with the deceased person and withdraw from the possibilities of making new contacts and participating in real life by immersing yourself in this digital world. It is then very important to have a functioning social environment that is aware of the digital twin’s existence. And that you have a certain level of media literacy: the dead person remains dead, and the avatar remains an AI-generated visualisation of them, however realistic it might be.

impact: A few years ago, a mother was “reunited” with her daughter, who had died of leukaemia, in the shape of a digital twin, and the encounter was shown on Korean television: a heartbreaking video watched by millions of people on YouTube. Are the ethical aspects of AI applications being adequately discussed?

Döveling: That is an important point. If a mother wants to say goodbye to her daughter one more time, she must appreciate that the digital twin is not her daughter. That’s the first mistake. We need to educate people beforehand. That is one ethical aspect. We have already talked about another: What happens if the avatar says something “wrong”? The commercialisation of such AI products also raises ethical questions. These three aspects are challenging from an ethical perspective.

impact: Is our society prepared for this?

Döveling: Society as a whole is called on here to concern itself with this issue, which should also play a role at the political level. For example, from which age something like this may be used is a question that has not yet been regulated. A child who has lost their father or mother might perhaps also want to be allowed to talk to an avatar. That is why schools also need to focus more on media literacy and AI. The appeal of such products can be enormous – and people ultimately forget that they are dealing with AI. This also applies to older people who are unfamiliar with such technologies. As an emotion researcher, I find this highly critical.

impact: What does research on such a sensitive topic look like, what methods are you working with?

Döveling: We can proceed by analysing the content, that is, by looking at what the AI says and to what extent it actually mirrors the deceased person. In addition, we work with reception analysis, also called impact analysis: How is what the AI says received and processed? What impact does it have? This naturally brings me to the topic of emotions and the question: What does it do to the bereaved person? I would like to conduct some interviews in relation to this. But observational studies, also known as interaction analyses, are an option, too. I would like to analyse the communication between the bereaved and the avatars – also against the background of the dangers we have just discussed. And, of course, with such a sensitive topic, this can only be done anonymously, taking all the necessary personal rights into account and protecting them.

impact: Our society is becoming more and more secular, the promises of salvation voiced by religions are losing their power. Are new technologies a replacement?

Döveling: I wouldn’t go that far. They are certainly a supplement for some people. What I perceive is a development and the hope of being able to fill a gap that death leaves behind. Comfort through AI rather than through religion. We’re living in a society in which we try to cure all diseases and banish death, for example to hospitals. But then – suddenly – it’s there, nonetheless. Coming to terms with that is very difficult. The avatar is then on hand independently of time and place. Switch on the computer and off you go. It sounds simple, but I can also see the dangers.

impact: The topic also touches on the phenomenon of loneliness and isolation in our society. How can we get out of the “loneliness epidemic” – without the help of AI?

Döveling: Here, too, I appeal once again to the social environment: even if there is only one person who is close to someone recently bereaved, this person should take care of them and not leave them on their own. It can be perfectly okay if AI supports them at the beginning or on special days such as Christmas. You should, however, nevertheless try to return to the outside world – in the sense of “restoration-oriented” grief. People need support here – from real people.

impact: You often hear from the bereaved that they talk a lot again and again with their deceased loved ones in dreams or daydreams, especially at the beginning. Perhaps this is a way to say goodbye?

Döveling: By all means. But here, too, you should be aware that this will not bring the deceased person back. If there is something you still want to get off your chest, it might be better to go to their grave and say: “If you had only…!” Or say a prayer, write a letter for their birthday, send positive thoughts. Because AI is and remains AI.